Summary
- First impressions create an immediate emotional response before any words are exchanged.
- How you look and move can trigger fear or comfort based on others’ past experiences.
- Small visual cues can turn a negative interaction into a positive one for both people.
- This is the power of semiotics, how appearance communicates meaning.
- Being different can be an advantage when it creates a positive pattern break.
- Authenticity naturally differentiates you from others.
- Difference should feel safe and respectful, not threatening.
- First impressions open the door, but coherence builds trust.
- Acting out of alignment with how you present yourself creates suspicion.
- Real trust requires consistent, coherent behavior over time.
Please excuse my appearance, but there’s a teachable moment here. There’s a lesson, a valuable lesson for you, which is the concept that we colloquially understand as first impressions. I live in a neighborhood, a gated neighborhood. There’s a lot of elderly people here and bless their hearts, some of them are very skittish. So, they see me, a taller young dude, just running at them as I run, and I’m coming at them from behind so they can’t see me. All they hear are loud footsteps. D.
So, it creates a feeling. And as they glance behind them, one of two or maybe multiple effects can happen. They see me, a larger guy running at them, and they can immediately go into fear and I can feel a bit bad understanding that I’ve created fear in someone. I’ve created a bad feeling and that doesn’t make me happy either. So I will run past them and we’re both a bit worse off on our separate journeys. But the alternative is when they turn around they see me dressed like this. I’m wearing red shorts. I have a water bottle. I’m panting. I have a smile on my face. And the resulting engagement is that they wave at me with a smile and I wave back at them with a smile and we both go on our separate ways a bit happier, both parties better off.
And that’s the power of semiodics of how we present oursel. Do we reflect as a negative past experience? Let’s say I’m running behind them dressed in all black with a hoodie. They can’t see my face. I have a mask on. What kind of emotions, what kind of meaning would be generated as a result of that appearance versus me dressed like this. That is the effect. Well that effect leads to either an interaction going in such a way that both parties leave worse off or an interaction where both parties leave better off.
So you see what I’m trying to get at. It’s crucially important to be cognizant of how we’re presenting ourselves. So obviously right now I’m talking and my intended audience are dental practice owners. It’s possible that you’re not, but that’s who I think of when I’m creating these videos. They see me and I look nothing like the typical speaker they’re used to. Typical speaker, and I’ve been to a couple of many seminars and they’re dressed in suits. They are very presentable. They’re very professional. And me, I’m wearing a t-shirt. It’s like semi-transparent. My hair is a mess. And so this creates what’s called a pattern break. Pattern breaks are moments where we can truly differentiate who we are versus the others, the people that we’re trying to move away from.
Who I am authentically is going to naturally be a pattern break because you are unlike anyone else out there. The way you believe, the way you see things, the vision that you have of how things should be is unlike other people. So embrace pattern breaks, but also be cognizant. Don’t show up like something that is a visible threat to people. Show up in a way that is different but better. Not different for the sake of being different but different with respect to them. Different understanding that this is going to catch their eye and they’re going to either have an interaction that is negative or have an interaction that opens the door to positive.
So, hope my outfit today is a valuable lesson for you and I hope you start to see that there’s a lot of value in how you just present yourself, obviously. So, another crucial thing I want to end with is coherence is extremely valuable or extremely important. Let’s say I’m coming at the elderly couple and I’m coming at them like this. They’re all happy and suddenly I pull a knife out or suddenly I do something to threaten them. Right? There is a breach of trust or maybe that’s not a good example but the idea is coherence is necessary. The moment I act out of alignment with how I presented myself then suspicion arises. It’s not just that we are not fulfilling a promise, it’s that we’ve hinted at some aspect of oursel and they found out that that wasn’t true so suspicion rises. All right, so coherence not only first first impressions are important for sure, but coherence is, I would argue, even more important or just as much as important because you will need coherence throughout their journey together to build more and more trust.
The couple I ran behind, they wouldn’t trust me to maybe babysit their kids or they were older, so they probably don’t have kids, but their grandchildren, right? There wasn’t enough trust built because we didn’t have an extended period of coherence where they felt like they got to know who I was, right? If you meet someone for the first time, they can present themselves any way they want. It’s going to take an extended period of time, coherent, consistent, multiple interactions for them to truly trust you.
So, I’m going to end with that. Be aware of how you present yourself. Do it in a way that’s authentic yet at the same time doesn’t trigger past emotional bad experiences and do it consistently. Be authentic. That’s why authentic people win these days. It’s too hard to pretend to be something and the world’s too transparent today. So that’s it. Hope you found this valuable. See you in the next one.